I know it's been a long time since I posted, but I honestly hit a bit of a rut this spring; not only in my writing, but in my life, as well. As much as I try to fight it, I've found that my personal life has an overwhelming influence on my creativity, and when I hit a rut in the way that I have, my writing is going to suffer for it.
A series of events over the past few weeks has brought me out of that rut, but not necessarily in the way that I expected. I'm not saying that it's bad...just different. What's the old saying? God never closes a door without opening a window.
I hope that holds true.
Strider is asleep at my feet, I just had a long conversation with a friend that I haven't talked to in a while, and I'm heading to Baltimore tonight to hang out with some really cool people. As I take a step back from the insanity that can sometimes define my life, I can say that, despite what I often tell myself, things aren't all bad.
I've spent the past year and a half in a state of mind that you could say was less than healthy. It isn't a matter of seeking medication to cure some sort of chemical imbalance (which is also something that I've been through), but rather an acceptance that will hopefully take me back to the old me, as cliche as that sounds.
My focus on the destination of my life has blinded me from what's important. While achieving a goal is something that we all wish for ourselves, we must not forget what it was that made us set that goal in the first place. There was something about it; something that lit a fire inside of us. It made us light up at the thought of it, and made us think that anything was possible, and that if we wanted it bad enough, it would come to us.
And just when we think we have it figured out, here comes this little thing called reality to bring us back down to earth. How will we pay this bill? Why doesn't this person like me? Why won't this damn house just clean itself? Ah...life.
Maybe it's not the end that counts so much as the way we get there; the things we have to go through before we get whatever it is that we're after. Maybe it's not about the destination, but more about the ride to get to it. Maybe it's about the feeling you get when you look back on what you've done, and knowing that through it all, you never gave up.
Now I'm just winging it. I'm going to step away from the person who is consumed with becoming an author, and going back to the one who just opened his journal or fired up his computer because he just had to write. Let each word, each sentence, each page fall where they may. I can only hope that they will find their way to where they are needed.
-GS
